uncle sam DOESN'T want you

So, as many of you know, I was studying for the Foreign Service Officer Test, which you have to pass to join the diplomatic corps of the United States and to work abroad in an embassy. That was in October, and I passed, although I don't really know the breakdown of my score. I then had to write six short essays describing and elaborating any experiences I had relating to the prompts they set out, focusing on leadership, communication, and other things people ask you on job interviews and the like. However, not only did I have to write, I also had to provide references...for each experience. Slightly intense. But I wrote them, rewrote them, had other people read them, edited, and fretted over them. An involved process. I was feeling confident about the whole thing, since I thought I was pretty qualified. But, last week I found that, in fact, Uncle Sam was doing just fine, thank you, no need to pitch in or help out. I wasn't granted an interview, which was the next step in a long, drawn-out process. My candidancy could not be continued at this time, but I shouldn't feel bad, because it's really competetive, and I could always take the test again in a year. Well, there goes that plan. I was gonna have so much health insurance and vacation time. What I will do until then...unknown. Will I take the test again in a year? Unknown. Am I a rudderless ship set out to sea? Not quite...but the metaphor isn't that far off. Am I drowning in angsty seas of broken dreams? ...I just got back from Gran Canaría, so...oh woe is me? Doesn't really go with a bikini.